If I have any regrets as a parent so far, it’s that I harped on things that I should have just let go. I wish I could revisit myself a few years ago, and tell myself to gracefully let go of nap time with B. The daily rub between us was not worth it. He was tired, yes. He wouldn’t cooperate with quiet time, yes. His younger brother had a hard time napping if he didn’t too, yes. But really, he was growing up and out of the world of all things baby, and I should have cultivated that, not tried to control it. I wish I could revisit myself a few years even earlier, and tell myself that food pickiness comes in phases (and even if the phase lasts forever, my anger about it won’t convert him to a veggie lover). 

Just last night, the boys spilt water all over the living room because of a thrown pillow. I had already told them many, many times to stop throwing the pillow, but of course, it continued and only stopped when their socks got sopping wet. I sighed loudly, and B immediately overreacted getting mad at everyone around him because he was really mad at himself. I told him it was okay, that it was just water. And in that moment, I saw the shock in his eyes that told me that I too often overreact. 

His response: “But it’s on the couch, too.” 

I shrugged my shoulders. “Who cares?” I said. 

And he was already getting a kitchen towel to clean it up. So for a measure of extra grace, I said, “Thanks for being so responsible that you’re taking care of it yourself without me even asking.”

Like so much of parenting, I find that these “teachable moments” are really teachable moments for me. My kids need to know that it’s not okay to not listen to me and that’s the actual problem. But they also need to know that spilling water isn’t a big deal. Ever. It’s water.

But the biggest deal of all is whether or not they know that I love them when they mess up.

I find it very difficult to pick my battles, especially with these boys that battle right back; but I’m often amazed that when I choose to be gracious and loving instead of mad and annoyed the correction comes much easier.

We’ve been reading and studying a book called Grace Based Parenting (affiliate link) with some friends lately, and I find myself looking for moments to communicate grace to my kids — not by talking about it, but by actual extending it to them.